Finally managing to get a free trolley I meandered around Heron thinking that I could take my time as I had nothing in the car to worry about or pack away quickly. Ended up chatting to a woman I knew vaguely and we exchanged some great, low cost diet recipes. I guiltily tried to forget about the cream cakes sitting waiting for me in the car and once more told myself that we all deserve a treat now and again. But I had parked in one of the few sunny patches on the car park and was starting to wonder just how ‘fresh’ those fresh creams cakes were going to be by the time I got home. They were on their sell-by date and surely sitting in the sun couldn’t be doing them any good?
I rushed round, finished my shopping, having picked up some good freezer bargains to use in the week, and felt quite pleased with myself. When I got back to the car there was a dog standing there with its leg cocked up against the back wheel and I realised that it wasn’t going to be my day as far as dogs were concerned. The owner dragged it away, shamefacedly pulling on the lead while the dog continued sprinkling as it was dragged, managing to cover my boot at the same time. Oh well, I suppose it’ll get rid of some of the egg, I told myself, shoving the shopping in the boot.
I’d had enough by then and needed a good cuppa coffee to calm my frazzled nerves.
When I got home I tried to do the ‘man thing’ and carry as many bags as I could to save too many trips to the car. Consequently, everything got quickly shoved on the kitchen floor as I went back to get the last lot. I didn’t bother to check that they were safe as nothing can fall off the floor, can it? My specs were slipping down my nose which was shiny with sweat by then as I still had my coat and scarf on, so I didn’t notice that a pot of fresh custard, (reduced to 39p in Morrison’s and a great accompaniment to the cream cake,) had rolled out of the bag and was in just the right position for me to step on it. I felt, rather than heard, the ‘splodge,’ as it squirted out to cover my boot, which had already been desecrated by smashed egg and dog pee that morning.
“Oh bleeeep!” I howled, well and truly fed up by then. The unpacking could wait as by then I really deserved that cream cake! Waiting for the kettle to boil I looked down the hallway and wondered what the trail of red sticky stuff was that led from the front door to the kitchen. Another accident? Inspecting things more closely, I realised that a jar of strawberry jam, (49p from Heron) had somehow smashed en route. “Do you know what, that can flippin’ wait,” I said aloud, pouring the water into the coffee cup and plonking a cream cake on a plate.
Carrying them through to the lounge, I kicked my filthy boots off, sat on the sofa and put my feet up on the coffee table. Just then, hubby came in the back door, looked around at the chaos and said, “Well I wish all I had to do was shopping and sitting around stuffing my face with cream cakes all day! What’s for dinner, I’m starving!”
Men! Do they take lessons in how to say the wrong thing at the wrong time?